if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
