cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
