She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Found your dick twin last night
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
