One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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