i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
