it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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