I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
