you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
