Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
