y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
