I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
3 2 1 whiskey
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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