life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
