Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
