Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
