First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I party with great urgency now.
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