My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Someone signed my nipple.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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