my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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