um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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