When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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