i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
