you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
