Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
