Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
