What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
