Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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