We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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