its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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