Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
