your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
