My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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