she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm at about main and main street
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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