I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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