i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
