Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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