I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
