I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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