I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
