Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
