just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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