I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
