SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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