Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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