The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
