Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
