if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Randomize
