I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
