I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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