So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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