there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
