unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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