oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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