remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
