I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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