I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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