I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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