My nipple is on Facebook.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
