So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
