I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
