I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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