$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
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Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
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I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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