i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
