I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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