Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
