So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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